Snowflakes Falling in a Heated Pool

 

Snowflakes Falling in a Heated Pool

I was floating face up in a heated pool in the middle of winter and it began to snow.  The only thing above water was my face; everything else was under the warmth.  I had been floating for over an hour just staring up into the star filled sky listening to the muted laughter of my best friend and our children playing.  She was allowing me to fade from reality and was entertaining my son whose life, along with mine, had again been crushed.
 

The numbness wasn’t due to the weather; the numbness was from the rejection I had recently experience from my second husband.  Yes, sadly, the second.  I was sure when I meet him that I had meet my soul mate and was still having deep denial issues concerning his love for me.  He didn’t!  Love me. 

The lost of a second marriage to this believer was almost more than I could bear.  I had completely surrendered my life to Jesus five years early which nursed the denial even further.  How could this happen to me since I have been so faithful in my walk with God, more faithful than I had been in the years since my salvation occurred. 

The guilt I was carrying from the two busted relationship kept me awake at night, follow me to work everyday, and became dark glasses I looked through when talking to my son.  His pain was hidden from everyone.  Even me. 

My friend had suggested that we work out together, crossed country skiing, running, and now swimming.  What ever she could think of to keep me from jumping off the straight path I was now walking with God.  I didn’t want to quit, walking with God, or be so down that I would loose my testimony to those who were watching my life so closely.  That is why I said yes that night when she asked me to go for a nightly swim. 

The stars were so bright that they brought me right to the feet of Jesus where I confess all that I was feeling, even my anger at him for not fixing my broken world.  That is when he gave me a tune, a tune by the way that I had not heard before.  I caught my self humming it all night.  I hummed it for days.

I even hummed it to people in search of the title, and if lucky the words but no one seem to know it.  I hummed it anyway.  When my son went to spend the weekend with his dad I was left in a quite apartment mourning the lost of my marriage and the step children that went with it.  Seven years down the drain and seventeen the first time.  I hated that. My God did not intend for me to live in the past or to veer off the path I was currently walking with him and he reminded me of that again with the song I did not know.

I decided to put in music that day to chase away the misery and many songs into the CD I heard the song that God had place on my heart.  It was the craziest thing, so many goose bumps.  I ran to the CD case to read the title, Be Thou My Vision was the name of the song but the crazier thing was that the CD was an instrumental.  So I called my Mom who is a musician and ask her if she knew the song.  Nope, didn’t know it. 

She was talking to my sister later about my excitement and my sister knew the song right away by the title.  They sang it in her church all the time.  I had a couple of hymnals but the song wasn’t in them but Praise the Lord it was in hers.  Mom mailed me a copy of the song.  This all came about a month after God had originally given me the tune. 

The day the song came in the mail I sat in the floor and cried tears of joy at the gift my Lord and Savior had given me.  My special bond between me and my King!  I don’t know if the song will mean much to you, I don’t know if a person has to be completely broken for it too.  But it has been my comfort in so many times of valleys that come along with my walk with God.  I love Selah’s version of it.  Enjoy.

 

Snowflakes Falling in a Heated Pool

I was floating face up in a heated pool in the middle of winter and it began to snow.  The only thing above water was my face; everything else was under the warmth.  I had been floating for over an hour just staring up into the star filled sky listening to the muted laughter of my best friend and our children playing.  She was allowing me to fade from reality and was entertaining my son whose life, along with mine, had again been crushed.
 

The numbness wasn’t due to the weather; the numbness was from the rejection I had recently experience from my second husband.  Yes, sadly, the second.  I was sure when I meet him that I had meet my soul mate and was still having deep denial issues concerning his love for me.  He didn’t!  Love me. 

The lost of a second marriage to this believer was almost more than I could bear.  I had completely surrendered my life to Jesus five years early which nursed the denial even further.  How could this happen to me since I have been so faithful in my walk with God, more faithful than I had been in the years since my salvation occurred. 

The guilt I was carrying from the two busted relationship kept me awake at night, follow me to work everyday, and became dark glasses I looked through when talking to my son.  His pain was hidden from everyone.  Even me. 

My friend had suggested that we work out together, crossed country skiing, running, and now swimming.  What ever she could think of to keep me from jumping off the straight path I was now walking with God.  I didn’t want to quit, walking with God, or be so down that I would loose my testimony to those who were watching my life so closely.  That is why I said yes that night when she asked me to go for a nightly swim. 

The stars were so bright that they brought me right to the feet of Jesus where I confess all that I was feeling, even my anger at him for not fixing my broken world.  That is when he gave me a tune, a tune by the way that I had not heard before.  I caught my self humming it all night.  I hummed it for days.

I even hummed it to people in search of the title, and if lucky the words but no one seem to know it.  I hummed it anyway.  When my son went to spend the weekend with his dad I was left in a quite apartment mourning the lost of my marriage and the step children that went with it.  Seven years down the drain and seventeen the first time.  I hated that. My God did not intend for me to live in the past or to veer off the path I was currently walking with him and he reminded me of that again with the song I did not know.

I decided to put in music that day to chase away the misery and many songs into the CD I heard the song that God had place on my heart.  It was the craziest thing, so many goose bumps.  I ran to the CD case to read the title, Be Thou My Vision was the name of the song but the crazier thing was that the CD was an instrumental.  So I called my Mom who is a musician and ask her if she knew the song.  Nope, didn’t know it. 

She was talking to my sister later about my excitement and my sister knew the song right away by the title.  They sang it in her church all the time.  I had a couple of hymnals but the song wasn’t in them but Praise the Lord it was in hers.  Mom mailed me a copy of the song.  This all came about a month after God had originally given me the tune. 

The day the song came in the mail I sat in the floor and cried tears of joy at the gift my Lord and Savior had given me.  My special bond between me and my King!  I don’t know if the song will mean much to you, I don’t know if a person has to be completely broken for it too.  But it has been my comfort in so many times of valleys that come along with my walk with God.  I love Selah’s version of it.  Enjoy.